SupportBeams

A light in the darkness October 27, 2009

I was in the depths of a very black depression, and in the grips of a grief that made my knees buckle and took my breath away. My reason for living gone and my identity shattered. My body was broken from a literal run in with an automobile. My life had come to a screeching halt. I had no idea how to put myself or my life back together, and was determined never love again. I wasn’t strong enough to handle it.

One day, out my kitchen window, I saw kittens running under the hedge by the driveway. I didn’t want the responsibility of cats in the yard. I already had a cat in the house I was terrified of losing. I wasn’t up for this problem. I ignored them.

Later that day, as I tried to fix my lunch, I was overcome by a wave of emotion unlike anything that’s ever come from me. I had tunnel vision, but surrounded by very bright light. Consumed by a directive to feed them, I was unable to move till I finally surrendered. I still grumbled and pleaded my inability to do this thing I was convinced God was telling me to do. I fed them.

This began my involvement with a family of cats that had been living in my back yard, unbeknownst to me. Over the next months, that black rock around my heart broke away. I began loving, warmly and enthusiastically. I began laughing from my heart at the antics of the kittens. That little cat family saved me as much as I saved them.
I began seeing similarities in their behavior and mine. Through them I began to understand my relationship with others and with God; a relationship that had also suffered in my devastation.

In this space I will share lessons from nature that have helped me to understand, and provided encouragement as I inch my way back to the living and build a new life for myself. I hope they will offer support and encouragement for you too.