Complaining is an obstacle to happiness

Complaining is more than just an observation, or a reaction, it is an act. In the culture of complaint we are often fooled into believing complaining is a good thing. It is good to speak up when something is wrong, if this is followed with action. Usually it is done from a position of assumed powerlessness, and is a way of criticizing and dwelling on the negative. This reinforces the very thing you don’t want, and attracts more of it.

Like attracts like.  The more you complain, the more you summon your energies to attract something to complain about.  Your complaints may seem fully justified, but keep in mind that whenever you complain, you are placing your order for more of the same.

Not only do you attract more of the negativity you are complaining about, you attract other complainers. Now you have a group reinforcing your negative behavior and misery. Misery does love company and this group has a vested interest in keeping you miserable. They have to prove it’s impossible for to you break out and succeed in finding joy and happiness to justify their not trying.

Tell tale signs. Are you around people (or do you recognize it in yourself?) who assume life is hard, who look for problems, who are critical and judgmental, who gossip and complain? You get what you look for and if you look for problems, inconveniences, or slights that are what you’ll get. If you want chocolate you’ll find it only rarely and by chance if you are always looking for rocks.

Complaining conflicts with an attitude of gratitude and makes it impossible to climb out of the hole of depression and despair. Complaining assumes helplessness, powerlessness, and denial of happiness.

Complaining magnifies pain. Focusing on the complaint magnifies it. Think of a time you didn’t feel well. The more you thought about it the worse you felt. If, however, you watched a funny movie, or got a visit from a dear friend you forgot to dwell on the illness and usually felt better. Focusing on your physical complaint magnified it. The same works for all complaints. It makes the struggle more difficult.

Complaining is a habit and a mindset that can be changed.

Will Bowen, Lead Minister of the One Community Spiritual Center in Kansas City, MO, started a worldwide movement called “A Complaint Free World.” Bowen describes his vision this way. “We see a day when people focus on and speak about what they desire things to be rather than complaining about how things are.”  They offer help in this program including books, widgets, and bracelets to remind you not to complain. The challenge is to go complaint free for 21 days; the time it takes to break or make a habit. It IS hard to do. (I haven’t made it 21 days yet.) The process, though, is transformational in itself.

I have found the most important step in changing this (or any) negative habit is to disconnect the undesirable behavior from your identity. Do you think of yourself as beset by one problem after another? Do you think of yourself as put upon or unlucky? Then that you will be, as long as you see yourself that way. Try thinking of yourself as a person who doesn’t complain. Complaining thoughts will still pop in on you. Just, remind yourself they are just thoughts passing through your mind. They are not you. So no beating yourself up when you fail. Just acknowledge it and start again. Going complaint free requires changing how you think and how you engage the world. You can’t keep doing things the same way and expect a different outcome. You can’t keep looking in the darkness and expect to find light.

When you are complaint free you stop attracting the negative into your life. You attract more positive people which reinforce your letting things go and finding happiness. (Reinforcement is a very powerful thing.)

I’m not promising a fairy godmother and happily ever after. I am saying you can be happier, have a happier life and, think more clearly. It’s all a habit within your power to control.