Who’s your tribe? November 21, 2009
Posted by Karon Tripp in Personal Growth, behavior.Tags: encouragement, purpose, self care, transformation
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Like a symphony the natural world has many very different parts working together in harmony. We are all unique 
creations and made for a specific purpose. A violin cannot do the same thing as a tuba. A pig, and a bird, and a giraffe are all very differently made.
I loved the sit-com Dharma and Greg, where the flower child daughter of a hippie couple married the lawyer son of a rich conservative family. While funny and taken to extreme, as sit-coms do, there was truth in the humor and encouragement to deal with those different from us with love. As Dharma would say, “don’t fault a pig for having a short neck.” A pig cannot be a giraffe and a giraffe cannot be a pig. We think it is silly, and it is, to expect a pig to pluck leaves from the top of a tree, or to want a giraffe to root out truffles. It is just as silly to expect people to operate in ways for which we were not created. We may all be created equal, but we’re not all created the same. Don’t confuse the two.
You are a beautiful invention of the Creator. You were made the way you are to meet your purpose on this planet. Getting in touch with your true nature helps you see what that purpose is. Whatever it is, we need you.
A good clue that you are doing what you were made to do is that it is easy, you don’t even think about it. The BIG clue here is that it comes naturally, just as flying comes naturally to a bird or a bug.
Other ways you’ll know you are doing what you are meant to do is you will have lots of energy, time just flies by, and your mind is alert and active. You’ll have a natural high that, excuse me, we are all supposed to have.
Those who are going against their true nature will probably experience in varying degrees, illness, forgetfulness, anxiety attacks, and addictions. Yes binge eating absolutely counts. If these things are a part of your life, you would do well to take a look at what you are doing. The sad thing is this list applies to a large percentage of our culture. Just because a lot of people deny their natures and try to be what they’re not doesn’t make it right, or right for you. Just remind yourself it’s their decision and they are not your tribe. You tribe is the group who loves what you love, does what you do.
I like the term “when pigs fly.” It refers to something that will never happen. Pigs weren’t meant to fly, aren’t equipped to fly, and never will fly. They don’t try to and we don’t expect it of them. If only we had that much sense about ourselves and fellow humans. Your tribe in the larger sense is anyone who refuses to try and be a flying pig.
Complaining is an obstacle to happiness November 18, 2009
Posted by Karon Tripp in Personal Growth, behavior.Tags: behavior, change, depression, Personal Growth, transformation
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Complaining is more than just an observation, or a reaction, it is an act. In the culture of complaint we are often fooled into believing complaining is a good thing. It is good to speak up when something is wrong, if this is followed with action. Usually it is done from a position of assumed powerlessness, and is a way of criticizing and dwelling on the negative. This reinforces the very thing you don’t want, and attracts more of it.
Like attracts like. The more you complain, the more you summon your energies to attract something to complain about. Your complaints may seem fully justified, but keep in mind that whenever you complain, you are placing your order for more of the same.
Not only do you attract more of the negativity you are complaining about, you attract other complainers. Now you have a group reinforcing your negative behavior and misery. Misery does love company and this group has a vested interest in keeping you miserable. They have to prove it’s impossible for to you break out and succeed in finding joy and happiness to justify their not trying.
Tell tale signs. Are you around people (or do you recognize it in yourself?) who assume life is hard, who look for problems, who are critical and judgmental, who gossip and complain? You get what you look for and if you look for problems, inconveniences, or slights that are what you’ll get. If you want chocolate you’ll find it only rarely and by chance if you are always looking for rocks.
Complaining conflicts with an attitude of gratitude and makes it impossible to climb out of the hole of depression and despair. Complaining assumes helplessness, powerlessness, and denial of happiness.
Complaining magnifies pain. Focusing on the complaint magnifies it. Think of a time you didn’t feel well. The more you thought about it the worse you felt. If, however, you watched a funny movie, or got a visit from a dear friend you forgot to dwell on the illness and usually felt better. Focusing on your physical complaint magnified it. The same works for all complaints. It makes the struggle more difficult.
Complaining is a habit and a mindset that can be changed.
Will Bowen, Lead Minister of the One Community Spiritual Center in Kansas City, MO, started a worldwide movement called “A Complaint Free World.” Bowen describes his vision this way. “We see a day when people focus on and speak about what they desire things to be rather than complaining about how things are.” They offer help in this program including books, widgets, and bracelets to remind you not to complain. The challenge is to go complaint free for 21 days; the time it takes to break or make a habit. It IS hard to do. (I haven’t made it 21 days yet.) The process, though, is transformational in itself.
I have found the most important step in changing this (or any) negative habit is to disconnect the undesirable behavior from your identity. Do you think of yourself as beset by one problem after another? Do you think of yourself as put upon or unlucky? Then that you will be, as long as you see yourself that way. Try thinking of yourself as a person who doesn’t complain. Complaining thoughts will still pop in on you. Just, remind yourself they are just thoughts passing through your mind. They are not you. So no beating yourself up when you fail. Just acknowledge it and start again. Going complaint free requires changing how you think and how you engage the world. You can’t keep doing things the same way and expect a different outcome. You can’t keep looking in the darkness and expect to find light.
When you are complaint free you stop attracting the negative into your life. You attract more positive people which reinforce your letting things go and finding happiness. (Reinforcement is a very powerful thing.)
I’m not promising a fairy godmother and happily ever after. I am saying you can be happier, have a happier life and, think more clearly. It’s all a habit within your power to control.
How to survive a bad day November 14, 2009
Posted by Karon Tripp in Personal Growth, The Toolbox, behavior.Tags: behavior, self care
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I am happy to present a blog by Christine Kane today. These words of wisdom and humor have helped me through many a bad day, and I hope they help you too.
How to Survive a Bad Day
by Christine Kane
Let’s face it. No matter how much progress we make, we’re still going to have “bad days.”
You know the ones. When the old critical voices are milling about drinking martinis and eating crab puffs in your head. You try to send them all away with your favorite powerful affirmation, but only a few of them even look up – and one of them turns away and lights a cigarette.
What do you do when no matter what you do, you just feel awful?
Very few success-gurus talk about the bad day, or even the process of following your dreams and the persistence it takes to shift old patterns.
Truth is, sometimes it helps to hear someone be honest about this stuff. Not so that you can indulge in self-pity about how hard you have it. But so that when the bad day strikes, you have some leverage.
So, how do you survive a bad day?
Here’s a few things that might help…
WHAT TO REMEMBER:
1 – The voices do not tell the truth.
They’re just your old voices coming up to feed. Do not feed them. This is what makes them stay. Even if you’re already hooked in, the best way to begin the unhooking is to rest, or to be very kind to you.
2 – This is not who you are.
The voices like to tell you that this depressed person is who you really are and that the rest of the world doesn’t have these same flaws. Not true. This is just a temporary set back. That’s all.
3 – Mochaccinos don’t take the voices away. It just makes them go faster.
Bad Days are not a call to rush out to Starbucks, hoping that if you move faster, it will all go away. If there’s any action that needs to be taken now, it’s probably a nap.
4 – You don’t have to be productive today.
It’s okay to put down your goals and to-dos for one day. You can return to them tomorrow. Today, make it your goal to just get through the day being kind to yourself. Think of it as a sick day. Maybe there’s no PROOF – like a fever. But your insides are sick. Let them heal.
5 – Everything seems worse when you’re tired or hungry.
Eat something yummy. Take a nap. Or go somewhere and sit quietly.
WHAT TO DO:
1 – Stop feeling bad about feeling bad.
If it helps, make today a container. Know that you’re allowed to have this stuff and that nothing horrid is going to happen with this one day of getting thrown off.
2 – Make no decisions.
The late Richard Carlson, author and psychologist, gave this great advice: “Never make decisions when you’re in a low mood.” His belief was that low moods are a natural occurrence and that any low-mood decisions are typically not healthy. Put off all decisions when you’re having a bad day.
3 – Don’t read fashion magazines. Or the news.
4 – Take a 20 minute walk.
Bring a gentle affirmation along with you. On days like this you don’t want to say, “I am master of the universe!!!” On days like this you want to say, “I am loved. I am safe.”
5 – Don’t try to fix yourself today.
No need to rush to the Self-Help section at Borders. Maybe steps you can take toward being healthier in the big picture, but not today. Today, let yourself stop.
6 – Lower your standards.
If you get out of bed, or eat a good healthy meal, be proud. Tomorrow you can have your old high standards back and be productive and evolved and all that. Not today.
7 – Say NO to anything if it’s motivated by the word “should.”
This is a good rule to follow on good days too!
8 – Ask yourself what you feel like doing.
Sometimes the answer to this can be surprising. Maybe you’ll want to begin a fiction audiobook and clean your closet! Maybe you’ll just want a nap.
9 – Don’t do anything destructive.
Don’t overdose on sugar or indulge in alcohol. Don’t call anyone who drains you. It will not make this better.
WHAT TO BE:
Be very, very kind to yourself.
Be the way you would be with someone who is sad or hurting or scared. Because today, you are.
WHAT TO KNOW:
That the victory is not about not having bad days anymore. The victory is that you can get back up after having one.
Performer, songwriter, and creativity consultant Christine Kane publishes her ‘LiveCreative’ weekly ezine with more than 4,000 subscribers. If you want to be the artist of your life and create authentic and lasting success, you can sign up for a FRE*E subscription to LiveCreative at www.christinekane.com.
WANT TO SEE HUNDREDS MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS ONE?
See Christine’s blog – Be Creative. Be Conscious. Be Courageous – at ChristineKane.com/blog.
An overview of the cycle of change November 12, 2009
Posted by Karon Tripp in Personal Growth.Tags: change, healing, transition
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Yesterday God drop kicked me into the next phase of my journey. (Be careful what you pray for.) I’d stalled and needed the kick; however it was a miserable day. A big factor in today being much better was that I’d learned about the cycle of change, and after the dust settled I realized what was happening to me. I was therefore able to adjust and embrace the challenge. It was a good thing, after all, and everything I am going through is perfectly normal and temporary. That’s a wonderful realization when you think you are losing your grip and making all the wrong life choices.
Any journey goes smoother and more quickly when you have an idea of where you are going and what to expect of the road conditions. So, here’s an overview of the cycle of change.
It all starts with an event that has left you feeling like the lone survivor of a train wreck in the middle of a desert. You are dazed and disoriented. You’re not sure what just happened to you, what to do, or where to go. Your life has been so thoroughly disrupted you are no longer the same person. You have been catapulted into the change cycle. The good news is that it’s a predictable cycle.
First of all you need to mourn what you’ve lost and begin to think about what you want your future to bring. The opportunity here is to create a brand new you and a brand new life. If you plot a course based on your true self, you can direct your life to true happiness.
When you notice the return of real hope it’s time to start planning the life you want. Dream the uninhibited dream and let you heart ask for whatever it wants. Then start doing your research to see how this to make it happen.
This brings you to the heroic task of putting your plan into action and making your dreams a reality. This is where your plans get knocked around, as well as your hopes and your ego. It’s hard going from zero to fabulous. Be patient, learn from your mistakes, and make adjustments. I believe it was Edison who said – I haven’t failed, I’ve just found 10,000 ways that don’t work.
If you do these things you will reach your dream goal, and then instead of building the life of your dreams, you can tend to the life of your dreams.
Walking to your new life November 9, 2009
Posted by Karon Tripp in The Toolbox, behavior.Tags: behavior, depression, grief, healing, identity loss, transition
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Photo: Craig Cloutier http://www.flickr.com/photos/craigcloutier/ / CC BY-SA 2.0
Walking elevates your mood and helps return a sense of control and mental clarity to those struggling with transition, identity loss, grief, or depression. It doesn’t need to be athletic and can be as simple as a stroll around the neighborhood.
Walking has a long and revered history with tribal people of all continents. For centuries walking has been part of the process of identity death and rebirth called “vision quest.” Druids, Wiccans, Tibetans, Native Americans, Aborigines and the Xhosa, to name a few, quest by walking. Jesus’ walk in the desert for 40 days and nights provides a symbolic guide of trials and tools for the believer’s new identity as a Christian.
I’ve walked in different ways for different reasons over the years and have always been elevated by it. You don’t need to make a big deal of this. Walking is the most natural, self healing, thing we can do for ourselves.
Modern medical research also supports walking. It is an excellent tool to elevate your mood and clear your head. Walking builds confidence and restores a sense of control, because you know you are taking action to better your situation. Regular walking (3 or more times a week) has been proven to elevate mood in those who are moderately depressed, and is an effective part of treatment for clinically depressed individuals.
Many have complained to me they can’t walk without a destination or purpose. Inertia is difficult to fight sometimes; especially when it feels like you have 50 pound weights attached to you and getting up is a major accomplishment for the day. A destination and purpose is helpful. When struggling with recent grief and depression I made a point of only getting enough food, etc. to last one day. This forced me out of the house, kept me in touch with the greater world, and provided exercise as I walked to a nearby store.
The main reason cited by those giving dogs to grieving friends is that the dog needs to be walked daily and it will force the person to get out of the house and walk regularly. Here are five other suggestions if you are having trouble getting off the couch or out of bed.
- Take a camera and record spring flowers, fall foliage, holiday decorations, or anything else that appeals to you. This way you’re also looking for beauty in the world around you.
- Try an exploratory walk. Start with your own neighborhood. We tend to take the same route, usually at 25 MPH (or more.) Try a stroll up and down the streets in your neighborhood, especially those that are new to you. Then try the next neighborhood over.
- Give yourself a destination. If you have a store, library, or park nearby, I can vouch they are effective destinations. If not pick any destination; like the stop sign two blocks down.
- Art galleries and museums are excellent enclosed walking options for less than optimal weather.
- Spiritual walks. If I am confused by circumstances or struggling with a decision I’ll pray about it then go for a walk. Clarity and answers usually rise to the surface.
As with most healing tools, change is gradual and over time. It’s not like putting a quarter in a vending machine called Answers R Us. If you stick with it, and walk a little every day, before you know it you will notice improvements in your life and the way you feel.
5 Steps to successfully grow through change November 7, 2009
Posted by Karon Tripp in Personal Growth.Tags: behavior, change, transformation
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It strikes me how similar are the needs of people who have outgrown who they are, and houseplants that have outgrown a pot. What once provided stability now restricts. There’s a certain level of trauma and upheaval any time you are displaced from the familiar to a new situation, or sense of identity. Nothing is familiar, doubt is a constant companion, and you often don’t really know who you are any more or what to realistically expect. I have used the steps in transplanting a plant to outline what we all need when negotiating a life change.
5 Steps for a successful transplant/transition
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Make sure your next pot is only a step or two larger. / If you try to make too drastic a change, all at once, it could be fatal for your successful growth. You can become overwhelmed and discouraged. When you are unable to accomplish your grand task, or an old habit pops up, you may believe negative untruths about yourself, like you have failed. Our egos, often fueled by enthusiasm, shoot for grand sweeping changes. Change is best accomplished in consistent baby steps.
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Provide a proper environment free from contaminants. / Eliminate any thing that reinforces old habits and old ways. Beware, also, of overuse of caffeine, sugar, alcohol, and drugs. These can hamper or stop your progress.
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Select a container. / Establish a buffer between you and the outside world. Dr. Elaine Aron discusses containers and their importance in The Highly Sensitive Person. Some containers are concrete such as our home, office, neighborhood, or church. Though these may seem the most reliable, it’s actually the intangible containers that will serve you best. These include your work; your deepest beliefs; and your inner world of prayer or meditation. While the physical containers can be lost, no one can take your love, faith, creativity and mental practices.
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Use a good soil. / Provide the proper environment in which to grow. Besides protection, and nurturing, this includes proper physical care. Make a commitment to proper nutrition, plenty of water and ample sleep. I know it doesn’t sound glamorous but it’s vitally important. How do you expect to change if you’re dehydrated and sleep deprived?
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Protect the roots. /Maintain existence in an orderly fashion. Our roots are all the qualities that allow us to remain stable in uncertain times. Cultivate constancy, routine, and a wholesome structure for your life. Necessary also are encouragement, kindness, and absolute faith in the goodness of life.
Changes to expect
Loss of leaves. / Loss of parts of yourself and even some friends. Sometimes it’s vital to the health of the tender plant to cut withering leaves & stems off so they don’t drain energy needed to establish new growth. Trying to hold on to what you’ve outgrown will only drain the energy you need to establish new growth.
Just like leaves on a plant, what is no longer important to us often withers in our lives. When you see yourself outgrowing something, let it go.
We all know addicts must cut themselves off from old drinking or drug buddies. If you’re trying to become more spiritual or make better choices you will only hinder, even stop, your growth by associating with those who are addicted to negativity or interested in keeping you the same to make themselves feel better.
It is painful and frightening to lose a friend or your sense of identity. Don’t panic and don’t give up. Treat yourself gently. You’ll grow in new ways, expand and become stronger, and gain new friends that support the bigger person you’ve become.
Release your sense of frustration and loss November 5, 2009
Posted by Karon Tripp in Personal Growth, behavior.Tags: behavior, Christian life, depression, encouragement, Gratitude, grief
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I started a blessings board this morning. It’s a more specific version of the gratitude board I did last year; taking it to the next level. I do the boards because gratitude journals usually get lost in the pile of books by my bed and not used very regularly. Then I feel inadequate and flawed, when it was really just one too many journals to keep.
Here’s how you can create a gratitude board. I did this in my darkest days, when I was struggling to find something to hold on to, and it helped. I hope it helps you too.
- Get a big piece of paper. This morning I used one of the pages from a presentation tablet. You know, the ones you see in meetings on the easels. Last year I taped together several pieces of paper to create a very big piece.
- Post it on your kitchen door, refrigerator, or any highly visible place you pass frequently.
- Keep markers nearby (a variety of colors keeps it cheerful and fun.)
- Anytime you feel grateful write it down. Anytime. Nothing is too small to be included on the list. The senses are a good place to start (i.e. the smell of baking bread, a spectacular sunset, etc.) If you are at all grateful, write it down.
Whenever I passed the door it became a prompt to think of something to add. When I was feeling life held nothing for me anymore, it was there as a reminder of all the good things in my life, all the blessings, all the little joys. There were often stretches when I read it more than wrote on it. That’s OK, it really helped keep me from giving up, encouraged me to keep trying. It reminded me life wasn’t all bad, that there were many things about it I loved. Before very long my door was covered with happy things, in cheerful colors, that lifted my spirits. Soon it wasn’t such a struggle to think of things to add.
Photo: Karon Tripp
The difference between the gratitude board and the blessing board is that the blessing board is specific to me (or you.) For example on the gratitude board I would write vibrant fall leaves. On the blessing board I would write my eyesight. The vibrant fall leaves are something I was grateful for, and I am blessed to have the eyesight to see and enjoy the vibrant fall leaves. I am grateful for the generosity of strangers. I was blessed by the stranger in the grocery line who offered to help me out when I was $1.50 short.
This could all be done on one glorious board. However, I tend to think of it as step one and step two. Crawl before you walk. The blessings are easy to recognize when you’ve already filled a door with things you are grateful for. It’s taking it to the next level.
They also serve two different purposes in my life. Last year the gratitude board helped me see life wasn’t all black and gave me something to hold on to, a toe hold to climb out of the black hole of grief and depression.
The blessing board is to help me get through the 1 ½ pages of fears I wrote down last night. It’s a reminder this isn’t all capricious fate or up to me alone. It is to serve as a reminder that God provides for me, often in unexpected and delightful ways, and isn’t going to abandon me now.
Allow yourself a joyful heart November 3, 2009
Posted by Karon Tripp in behavior.Tags: behavior, encouragement, joy, Personal Growth
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Photo: Karon Tripp
I awoke this morning with that children’s song “Joy, joy, joy” in my head, and the corners of my mouth kept turning up. I will grant you this is unusual, but it’s getting more common all the time. I certainly have much to be worried about, and I know some people think I must be living in denial to be happy at all. Of course I have moments of worry and panic. Sometime those moments last a good part of a day. The overriding difference is that I am learning to allow joy in my life. I’ve opened my heart and seek it.
We are conditioned to tune joy out or look for false joy in some mind altering drug or activity that takes you to glorious peak, just before you crash. Real joy is sustained and will bring a spontaneous smile to your face years later when you remember it.
Just figure out what brings you joy and put as much of it in your life as you can. A few minutes here and there throughout your day doesn’t take much time or money can vastly improve your quality of life. Ridiculously simple isn’t it?
Actually the hard part sometimes is figuring out what brings you joy. There are several methods to approach this crucial first step.
Martha Beck suggests first looking for the memories that bring that spontaneous smile, or trying to remember the last time you cried because you were happy. Write down three or four examples and look for common ingredients.
For example, a couple of my joyful memories involve:
A nature photo shoot; communing with nature in a treasure hunt for beauty.
Sitting on my porch with my best friend on a beautiful summer morning; just hanging out.
What they have in common are stillness, openness, and love. So I look for, and even schedule, time to be still and open with nature or someone I love. This can be as simple as taking a moment to savor a sunset, or the sun on my face. A moment here and there keeps me centered and keeps the events of the day in perspective.
Blossom and grow. It’s the natural thing to do. October 30, 2009
Posted by Karon Tripp in Personal Growth.Tags: behavior, change, Personal Growth, transformation, trust
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Photo by Louise Docker http://www.flickr.com/photos/aussiegall/ / CC BY 2.0
It’s a spiritual law that you are becoming what you already are. You are always a divine and perfect creation of the Creator. Just as a flower is always a flower, even when it isn’t yet in full bloom. That bloom can’t be forced by intervention. The petals can’t be pried open. Flowers, and everything else in my garden, go through different stages of development. You must trust this will also be true for you, have faith in the process, and allow it to happen.
THE WAY YOU FORCE A FLOWER TO BLOOM IS BY GIVING IT IDEAL CONDITIONS.
The same applies to your blossoming. The only thing that encourages the process is to give yourself ideal conditions to bloom.
Include people in your world who support your changes. Connections on the internet or in a book will do in a pinch. Those around us reflect back to us only the version of us that makes them comfortable with how they see themselves. Make sure there is someone whose vision of you allows changing who you are. This may well mean adding a new friend or mentor to your world.
Be kind and patient with yourself. It’s up to you to create the supportive environment that you need. Remember how far you’ve come. Remember the loneliness, panic, and doubt are just growing pains that have been felt, and survived, by many before you. Close your eyes and focus on that unchanging part of you; the part of you that’s always been the same, and always will be.
Focus on your vision with flexibility. I have learned as I begin to take concrete steps toward my goals; the projects are unworkable as originally conceived. I need to adjust nearly every day, usually by thinking differently or learning something I didn’t realize I’d need to learn. The ultimate goal hasn’t changed, just the path there.
Take baby steps, and keep taking them.
Look at it all as an experiment. Have some fun with it.
Get plenty of rest. All this change really is exhausting, and you need your rest. Why not let this video soothe you and take a nap.
Did you ever see an egg learn to fly? October 29, 2009
Posted by Karon Tripp in Personal Growth.Tags: change, healing, Personal Growth, transformation
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http://www.flickr.com/photos/travlinman43/ / CC BY-SA 2.0
The capacity for change in the human spirit is limitless. It is possible recreate yourself and go from something ugly into something beautiful; from something broken into something whole. It isn’t, however, a process sprinkled with fairy dust that happens in the twinkle of an eye. If you want to transform your life and become a bigger person you will have to struggle, every day. There is no way around it. It is that struggle that transforms you and equips you for the new life you want.
As C.S. Lewis said in Mere Christianity, “It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird; it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. “
We’ve all heard the analogy of the butterfly, probably hundreds of times. The part of the story that seems to get glossed over is the fact that it takes much struggle on the part of the butterfly to emerge from the cocoon, and it’s a slow process. If you help a butterfly out of its cocoon it will die. It must do the work itself; struggle to be born. It’s that struggle that gives it the strength needed to fly.
You must break out of your shell yourself. You must break through your limitations yourself. Otherwise you don’t really change. You can go through the motions of changing and you may get some of the trappings of your dream, but you don’t get the dream.
It’s hard work becoming new. It’s hard work being born. It’s hard work getting free. The struggle gives you the strength you’ll need to spread your wings and fly. The rewards ahead are worth every bit of the struggle it takes to get there.
